She
announced, her eyes were hard with defiance and an immature flame of anger.
“Really? Why?” He
asked, flicking a cookie crumb off his sweater.
“They’re stupid, they’re
just embarrassing. I think living for the future is living now. Plus, my old
self isn’t even me, people say I wasn’t that bad but trust me, it was really
bad.” She had a tinge of bitter laughter in her voice as she lifted her wine glass
to her lips.
“Well didn’t that
sound like a journalist’s answer. How about for real? Aside from your work, there’s
really nothing except embarrassment in your old family photo albums and home
videos?”
“Yeah. Plus, if you think about it, if anyone ever
finds those old things, think of what it could do to my social life!”
“I’m sure your other
friends were just as self-assured and blissfully rebellious as you were in
eighth grade.”
“No, I’ve seen their
pasts. They all had great childhoods.” She exhaled and then looked him straight
in the eyes.
“So-” She started.
“Are-” He paused and
then continued.
“Are you ever tempted
to look at them-?”
“No.”
“I wasn’t done.”
“Oh?” She said lightly
and took another sip.
“Don’t you ever just
want to peek? just to see how far you’ve come? To me, that’s what those old memories
are for. They’re for living happily in the now and feeling good about your future.
If you could be the person you are now with that
past, who knows what you could be another fifteen years from now?” Her face
changed, her hard brows expanded and the stress in her jaw relaxed a fraction.
He knew she was still annoyed, still running and definitely still fighting to
be right.
But he could see, she knew, they both were aware that he had gotten
dangerously close to convincing her that she was okay. Close, but no cigar.
She swept her hair off
one shoulder and threw him a look across the table,
“Well then, maybe you
should be the one writing for the papers.” She smiled a bit, and set the
empty wine glass down on the table with a faint clink.
dh
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